In class we determined the four steps to a relationship and discussed why each of them specifically serves its own special purpose.
I kind of touched on the first step of a relationship in my last weeks post. This step was dating, going on dates with a wide variety of people to a wide variety of places or activities. During this time you should be able to learn about your self, what matters to you in a relationship and develop skills.
Then there is courting, this is when you begin dating some exclusivity. Dating someone exclusively is to date someone for marriage. During this time you are seeing how you both handle things as a couple and learning and growing together to see if that bond can be taken to the next level. However it is important to remember the keep going on dates with each other while you are courting.
Next if both people are willing and positive is engagement. Engagement is putting total commitment into one another. It is saying that you are in it for the long haul. Use this time of engagement to become closer to one another. It is easy to get caught up in the planning of the wedding and focus your attention upon that. If you are a girl it is also really easy to lose sight of the marriage and only focus on the planning of the wedding. Take time to make sure that when stressful situations arise during the engagement you are discussing things with your spouse and not a parent or friend. Also make sure that you are preparing for you actual marriage as much as your wedding.
After engagement come Marriage. This is a beautiful gift to be able to have someone with you for time and all eternity. Struggles will arise whether they be money, moving ect. Make sure you communicate with one another and take the time to still go on those dates that got you to here in the first place. When children come along make sure that attention is given to each child as well as your spouse. Take time away from your children to work on your relationship together.
Marriage is a magnificent thing. The journey of getting there may not be super easy but it is super worth it. However once you have reached marriage thats not the destination. The destination is eternity together. Make sure you find ways to let your love grow. Communicate and build together along side one another.
much love, xoxo
Dayna Schneider
Thursday, October 29, 2015
Thursday, October 22, 2015
The 6 Ps
Okay now Ladiiieesss!
Time to talk dating. But really guys you should probably read this too. In class this week we discussed a lot in the regards to dating and spouse choosing. There are many different filters that are used when we begin to date. The first being propinquity which basically just refers to nearness of location, it is natural that we are going to start dating people that we can see and our near us. Yes, online dating is really popular and can be very beneficial but even then there comes a time where you can't move forward with out interacting in person. The second filter that we use is appearance. Big surprise right? Now the idea that everyone has a "type" is actually a lot less common than we think. When it comes to appearances we usually have more of a yes and no list. This list is different for everyone. For instance when I see a guy with dark hair I am more likely to be attracted to him. However if my "type" was dark hair then I would be attracted to every guy on the street with dark hair and if that was the case I would probably be married by now. So we have our yes and no lists that help us weed out who we find "acceptable" to date. Some of the other filters we use when dating consist of region, lifestyle, values, education or intelligence and well a family background.
So after we have sifted through all these different filters what happens now? Well hopefully that person feels the same way and we can set up a date. Now let me explain something, watching netflix or redbox is not a date. I repeat watching netflix or redbox is NOT a date. Shocking right? This is where things get tricky. We have developed into a "hang out" or "chill" culture. We do not go on dates anymore. Instead we watch movies or TV shows and eat food because it's easier or cheaper or there's less pressure or whatever. Now I don't know if you have ever heard the term "You marry who you date" but if your dating consists of only watching netflix you're going to have a really boring marriage once there's no more episodes of The Office left to watch. Okay so now your thinking "So if netflix isn't a date then what?'
Here's where the first set of P's comes in.
Planned
Paid for
Paired off
So planned for means that you or your date has either previously decided on the activity that you will be doing and there is a time line, or schedule for the night usually should consist of some type of activity. Activities give you more possibilities to get to know your date rather than just sitting there watching a movie. Paid for means that if anything needed to be bought prior to the date that has happened or if the date needs to be paid for during it that has already been figured out. Paired off, if you're with a group there is an even amount of boy and girls and everyone is aware of who they are paired with. You start the night and end the night with that person.
Now there's no set time that says how long it takes to get to know someone or when you know if you could marry them. But once you do decide he is the "right" one I would say this is when the second set of Ps comes in.
Provide
Protect
Preside
So the last three Ps are characteristics that you should be able to recognize during the first three Ps. During dating you begin to know someone better, you learn their quirks and how they handle things. Provide, Protect and preside might sound like a military saying but for me it is what I want in my husband. Webster definition of provide says to give someone something what they want or need. Now before you think I am a gold digger realize that this goes farther than me. When I have children I want to know that I have a husband who can provide for my children and that we can give them what they need and hopefully at times what they want. Also there is a distinctive difference in someone who wants to provide and someone who believes it is a chore. Protect in Webster says to keep someone or something safe from harm or from being lost. This again goes for me as well as my kids. I want to know that my husband will protect us, even if this is as simple as turning back and getting the teddy bear my child accidentally leaves at the hotel room. Now Preside in Webster is to exercise guidance, direction or control. Now I am not saying I want a husband that takes control of me but having someone who is willing to give me meaningful guidance and direction sounds like something pretty important to me and something I want even need for the rest of my life. As far as the control comes into play I do want someone who is willing to take control in hard situations that I can trust when maybe I feel I can not trust myself.
In conclusion I want to end by saying that while I touched a lot on what the guy can do or be in the relationship, I also believe that the girls should play a strong role as well. But I will get into that another day. Remember you deserve the best and others deserve the best from you as well.
Well babes, see ya next week!
xoxo
Time to talk dating. But really guys you should probably read this too. In class this week we discussed a lot in the regards to dating and spouse choosing. There are many different filters that are used when we begin to date. The first being propinquity which basically just refers to nearness of location, it is natural that we are going to start dating people that we can see and our near us. Yes, online dating is really popular and can be very beneficial but even then there comes a time where you can't move forward with out interacting in person. The second filter that we use is appearance. Big surprise right? Now the idea that everyone has a "type" is actually a lot less common than we think. When it comes to appearances we usually have more of a yes and no list. This list is different for everyone. For instance when I see a guy with dark hair I am more likely to be attracted to him. However if my "type" was dark hair then I would be attracted to every guy on the street with dark hair and if that was the case I would probably be married by now. So we have our yes and no lists that help us weed out who we find "acceptable" to date. Some of the other filters we use when dating consist of region, lifestyle, values, education or intelligence and well a family background.
So after we have sifted through all these different filters what happens now? Well hopefully that person feels the same way and we can set up a date. Now let me explain something, watching netflix or redbox is not a date. I repeat watching netflix or redbox is NOT a date. Shocking right? This is where things get tricky. We have developed into a "hang out" or "chill" culture. We do not go on dates anymore. Instead we watch movies or TV shows and eat food because it's easier or cheaper or there's less pressure or whatever. Now I don't know if you have ever heard the term "You marry who you date" but if your dating consists of only watching netflix you're going to have a really boring marriage once there's no more episodes of The Office left to watch. Okay so now your thinking "So if netflix isn't a date then what?'
Here's where the first set of P's comes in.
Planned
Paid for
Paired off
So planned for means that you or your date has either previously decided on the activity that you will be doing and there is a time line, or schedule for the night usually should consist of some type of activity. Activities give you more possibilities to get to know your date rather than just sitting there watching a movie. Paid for means that if anything needed to be bought prior to the date that has happened or if the date needs to be paid for during it that has already been figured out. Paired off, if you're with a group there is an even amount of boy and girls and everyone is aware of who they are paired with. You start the night and end the night with that person.
Now there's no set time that says how long it takes to get to know someone or when you know if you could marry them. But once you do decide he is the "right" one I would say this is when the second set of Ps comes in.
Provide
Protect
Preside
So the last three Ps are characteristics that you should be able to recognize during the first three Ps. During dating you begin to know someone better, you learn their quirks and how they handle things. Provide, Protect and preside might sound like a military saying but for me it is what I want in my husband. Webster definition of provide says to give someone something what they want or need. Now before you think I am a gold digger realize that this goes farther than me. When I have children I want to know that I have a husband who can provide for my children and that we can give them what they need and hopefully at times what they want. Also there is a distinctive difference in someone who wants to provide and someone who believes it is a chore. Protect in Webster says to keep someone or something safe from harm or from being lost. This again goes for me as well as my kids. I want to know that my husband will protect us, even if this is as simple as turning back and getting the teddy bear my child accidentally leaves at the hotel room. Now Preside in Webster is to exercise guidance, direction or control. Now I am not saying I want a husband that takes control of me but having someone who is willing to give me meaningful guidance and direction sounds like something pretty important to me and something I want even need for the rest of my life. As far as the control comes into play I do want someone who is willing to take control in hard situations that I can trust when maybe I feel I can not trust myself.
In conclusion I want to end by saying that while I touched a lot on what the guy can do or be in the relationship, I also believe that the girls should play a strong role as well. But I will get into that another day. Remember you deserve the best and others deserve the best from you as well.
Well babes, see ya next week!
xoxo
Sunday, October 18, 2015
Men and Women are both precious beings in the sight of the Lord. However he also gave them separate and beautiful talents to fulfill. To often these days we try to take away those gifts, or we downplay their importance.
There is a strict essence of equality in society today. With the demand for equality we begin to tear down the traits that Heavenly Father instilled to his children. The difference in man and woman is what makes their roles on this earth so unique and so wonderful. Differences do not make one individual more than another. Differences help us to learn how to love one another, they help us to learn from each other to be able to build and grow.
The role of a Mother and Father is very clear. The Family A Proclamation to The World States, "Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners."
Mothers and Fathers, Men and Women are equal partners. They can both develop these qualities of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love compassion and work. But the Fathers responsibility to provide and preside and the Mothers responsibility to nurture help them to become closer to the people the Lord intended them to be.
Now I do not mean to say that Fathers can not be nurturing and Mothers can not provide. I have met wonderful men and women who provide and nurture at the same time. But the roles are there and to instead of squishing them we should celebrate them. In celebrating them we also refrain from critiquing them. That is when equality takes place.
Well babes, I'm gonna attach two talks for you.
Have a great night!
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1979/10/the-role-of-righteous-women?lang=eng
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1977/10/father-your-role-your-responsibility?lang=eng&media=video
There is a strict essence of equality in society today. With the demand for equality we begin to tear down the traits that Heavenly Father instilled to his children. The difference in man and woman is what makes their roles on this earth so unique and so wonderful. Differences do not make one individual more than another. Differences help us to learn how to love one another, they help us to learn from each other to be able to build and grow.
The role of a Mother and Father is very clear. The Family A Proclamation to The World States, "Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners."
Mothers and Fathers, Men and Women are equal partners. They can both develop these qualities of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love compassion and work. But the Fathers responsibility to provide and preside and the Mothers responsibility to nurture help them to become closer to the people the Lord intended them to be.
Now I do not mean to say that Fathers can not be nurturing and Mothers can not provide. I have met wonderful men and women who provide and nurture at the same time. But the roles are there and to instead of squishing them we should celebrate them. In celebrating them we also refrain from critiquing them. That is when equality takes place.
Well babes, I'm gonna attach two talks for you.
Have a great night!
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1979/10/the-role-of-righteous-women?lang=eng
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1977/10/father-your-role-your-responsibility?lang=eng&media=video
The Leave and Cleave Theory
A family, ideally consists of a Mother and a Father, along with help form the Lord they are able to bring children into this world and build a life and family together. But what happens to this family unit? While being a close family unit is wonderful there comes a time in which the child or children must leave the home.
There are many different cultures through out the world that view the role of families differently. There are some that say that the children are always my babies, there are some where the children must serve their parents always no matter what. There are cultures where it is prized to be a boy and looked down upon the be a girl.
A culture I am thankful for is that of leaving and cleaving. In Genesis 2: 24 it states, " For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh."
While it is important for parents to care and provide for their children, they are essentially using this time to prepare them to go out into the world on their own. To then do as they did and find a spouse so that they may bring spirit sons and daughters into this world as well. Then this culture or cycle continues to children leave and find a spouse so that they may have children of their own. So that God's work can continue, so that our posterity may continue, that missionary work can continue and so much more.
This is why the process of choosing and picking a spouse is so important. God has blessed us with the opportunity to grow and the most amazing way we can grow and become more like him is to be sealed for time and all eternity and feel that special love that can only be felt through having children.
There are many different cultures through out the world that view the role of families differently. There are some that say that the children are always my babies, there are some where the children must serve their parents always no matter what. There are cultures where it is prized to be a boy and looked down upon the be a girl.
A culture I am thankful for is that of leaving and cleaving. In Genesis 2: 24 it states, " For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh."
While it is important for parents to care and provide for their children, they are essentially using this time to prepare them to go out into the world on their own. To then do as they did and find a spouse so that they may bring spirit sons and daughters into this world as well. Then this culture or cycle continues to children leave and find a spouse so that they may have children of their own. So that God's work can continue, so that our posterity may continue, that missionary work can continue and so much more.
This is why the process of choosing and picking a spouse is so important. God has blessed us with the opportunity to grow and the most amazing way we can grow and become more like him is to be sealed for time and all eternity and feel that special love that can only be felt through having children.
Family Theories
Family traditions and theories have been embedded from generation to generation. I know many times growing up we say the infamous words, "I'm never going to do that to my kids." or "I'm never going to be like my mom." The thing is in reality we most likely are going to pull from those situations and say the same exact things our parents said or did. There is nothing wrong with that. But! We should be aware of the family traditions, rules or theories that we implement into our lives for time and all eternity.
Honestly I am grateful that my parents decided to break "tradition". If they would not have done so I would not have had the opportunity to be raised in the church. Both of my parents are converts, they come from wonderful families. I am thankful for the traditions my parents have kept going from their parents. I am thankful for the way my parents were raised and the standards instilled in them. However I am also grateful for the opportunity that I had to attend girls camp every year with my father. I am thankful for the opportunity I had to see my mother serve in leadership positions through out my youth.
Too much we think that things either have to stay the same or completely change. How beautiful it is when we realize that we can pull upon things from our past as well as things that can build a brighter future. Family is forever so I do believe that some traditions should last forever as well. However I also believe the Lord blesses us with opportunities to grow as a family and find new ways to do things. This could be through conversion, through the birth of a new child, or marriage in the family, or even something as simple as a Pinterest board that brings new ideas into the home. We are given this life to not just endure but to build families.
Honestly I am grateful that my parents decided to break "tradition". If they would not have done so I would not have had the opportunity to be raised in the church. Both of my parents are converts, they come from wonderful families. I am thankful for the traditions my parents have kept going from their parents. I am thankful for the way my parents were raised and the standards instilled in them. However I am also grateful for the opportunity that I had to attend girls camp every year with my father. I am thankful for the opportunity I had to see my mother serve in leadership positions through out my youth.
Too much we think that things either have to stay the same or completely change. How beautiful it is when we realize that we can pull upon things from our past as well as things that can build a brighter future. Family is forever so I do believe that some traditions should last forever as well. However I also believe the Lord blesses us with opportunities to grow as a family and find new ways to do things. This could be through conversion, through the birth of a new child, or marriage in the family, or even something as simple as a Pinterest board that brings new ideas into the home. We are given this life to not just endure but to build families.
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