ABCs of Crisis

Sometimes we view stressors as very negative experiences. Especially stressors that take place in a family unit. However many things we consider stressors, especially in the family unit can be good things. Such a a child being born, or a new job starting, moving into a new house. However there are definitely more negative stressors such as the death of a loved one.

What can we do as individuals and families to make these stressors more bearable or dare I say even valuable. Most of these times we consider we are going through some type of crisis. However, I learned something very beautiful the characters for crisis in Chinese break up into two different parts; danger and opportunity.

Stress and crisis have the opportunity to cause lots of danger and break us down, but! They also can be a growing point. Crisis can enable us to gain humility, to grow closer to our families, grow closer to God, help us to be more understanding. So sometimes these situations that may seem dark and grim or maybe they really are dark situations can be turned around based on communication and attitudes with in the family.

When crisis arrives we need to look at the ABC crisis model. A- There is an Actual event. We are able to pin point it and discuss it openly with all family members. B- Both resources and responses, after recognizing the event that has taken place we now as a family assess the resources available to us to deal with the issue as well as how we are going to respond. Parents play a large role when it comes to this. I know this from my own personal experience. My father was overseas a lot when I was little because of the Marines and while that could have been a crisis for my mother having to raise her two children "alone" during that time the way she responded to his deployments had a lasting effect on me. I did not view these times as negative experiences and I still realized that I was able to communicate with my father. However I remember having friends on base who's mothers would quickly turn into panic mode when their husbands were gone. This reflected off the child and to this day many of those kids I grew up with that are now adults have seperation issues when their spouse is gone. C- Cognitions, the way people think and talk. After we have decided how we will respond to these situations we must be congicent in our everyday reactions to these events.

Always be active when crisis comes. There can be time for grieving but do not let that over take your life or your family. Make sure that people keep developing their roles in the family in a healthy way.